SMALL STEPS!

We all have things that we dream about but come up with excuses for not doing them or even trying.

I would not get that job anyways so why apply.

What if I started my business and don't get anyone to patronize me, i would die in debt.

What if no one reads my blog.

How will I fund myself through school and on and on it goes.

Sometimes the voice in your head, pulls you down, makes you believe you are not good enough, you will fail at things, don't even try just continue to do whats the norm, easy and be safe. Don't try new things and don't explore your dreams.

Don't listen to that voice, yes you can do whatever you want to do, all you need to do is take the first step. Apply for that job, research on the business you want to go into, enquire about funding your education, whatever it is, take a simple step. Don't let anything stop you. Have faith in your ability, take that first step and become who you want to be.

A small step won't turn into reality right away but couple of small steps will. One step leads to another step and another and finally gets you to where you want to be.

Every small step in the right direction becomes the start of something amazing.

XoXo
Wemmy.

Priceless Gifts!

Its my birthday week...whoop whoop! I love my birthday because I get gifts and lots of attention..haha!

I woke up this morning thinking of the best gifts I have given myself and those that were given to me, this brought a big smile to my face because some of the gifts I thought were big deals then are really nothing to me right now. I guess my perspective has changed and I look at life a little bit differently.

So I thought, what gifts would i be giving myself this year, I really want something priceless, collection of fabulous moments and experiences. While I have promised myself to live a life of adventure, I think there are some other things I would like to improve on in this new year.

Peace of Mind:
Count my blessings instead of dwelling on things that are not working well or things that I don't have yet. Live in the moment, appreciate the things that I have now, while I plan and work towards the things I want.
Stop comparing myself to others (comparison is the thief of joy). Social media has a way of making me feel like i'm not good enough or i'm not where i'm suppose to be. I'm thankful for where I am right now and I know it can only get better.

Time for ME:
I always put myself last on the to do list. Every other person comes first, I worry and care about them, in the process I neglect myself.  I will find ways and time to invest in myself, pamper and improve on being a better person. Explore me, my values and my limits.

Be Happy:
With diabetes, thalassemia and early menopause, I have my plates very full and these things gets me overwhelmed for sure. I have decided to be happy and stay happy. Its hard work but its the best gift I can give myself.

I'm going to be nice to myself in this new year and be a happy girl.

XoXo,
Wemmy.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy thanksgiving to all my amazing Canadian people! Just like christmas, I love thanksgiving because it gives us an opportunity to all gather together with our families and friends, eat a lot and be merry.

There is so much to be thankful for: my wonderful family and friends, the joy of sleeping and waking up every day. The strength and grace to fight the battles thrown at me.


I wish everyone a happy thanksgiving and I would be eating a lot..(insulin to the rescue). May we always have reasons to be thankful.

XoXo,
Wemmy.

MICROADVENTURES!

And I'm back! Its been a long while, guess I was having so much fun that I forgot my blog. Anyway, I'm back to blogging.

While I was away I stumbled on one of  Alastair Humphreys' write ups on mircoadventures and I was fascinated by it. I love to travel, visit new places, try new food, shops and just see how other people live. But money has been a limiting factor for me, its so expensive to travel around the world these days.

So when I read about micro adventure I thought that was exactly what I needed and it won't really cost me that much plus i just moved to a new city and I needed to explore the city anyway.

"Microadventure simply means getting out to somewhere close to home, overnight, couple of days, cheap, simple and most importably a lot of fun".

Over the summer, I decided to explore British Columbia (beautiful BC as it is called) going on these micro adventures and it was fun.

My first stop was Whistler (extremely amazing). If you love out door activities, you need to check this place out. I went on the gondola peak to peak ride, it was really fun. (being someone who is scared of heights, this was really going out of my comfort zone...but it was mad fun).

Parksville (Vancouver island): I went on long walks by the sea wall and it was great. My favourite thing to do is take long walks and I was able to do lots of that here.

Car race: Errr, didn't quite enjoy this adventure, I'm not a sports person, i'm glad i tried it though but won't be trying this again.

Harrison Hot springs: the mountains here are amazing! Pictures don't even do them any justice. Had a wonderful time in the warm pool and just looking at these mountains.

White Rock was fabulous and the long walk I had on the beach was equally as amazing as the town plus the nice ice cream.

 

I live for exploring new places, meeting passionate people and just having fun. I won't let anything beat me down or hold me from having fun! I enjoyed my micro adventure and i'm going to spend the rest of the year chasing adventures close to home.

XoXo
Wemmy.

REJECTION HURTS!

At the beginning of the year, I knew exactly what my plans were and had timelines for them. I was going to be done school in April, look and get a job in May and relocate fromVictoria to Vancouver. 

Errrr...everything went as planned till April..life was good and I did finish school and then things stopped working out. I looked and looked for jobs, I applied to various companies and didn't get anyone to call me for an interview. Whats going on? I had the perfect resume and cover letter. Then I got 5 interviews and they all said no to me; "sorry we went with another candidate, while we thought you were a good candidate you don't have enough experience, it didn't work out well for us at this time..whoa I heard it all and i was very devastated. 

I had helped my friend put her resume and cover letter together, coached her before her interviews on how to interview perfectly and she got a job after her second interview. While I was very happy for her, that made me feel even worse about myself, I felt not good enough and dumb. 

My relocation plans didn't go as planned either. It was the most difficult process ever, finding a house was tough, the actual relocation was pretty hard, had to give out more than half of my things because the cost of carrying them through the ferry was crazy. What a life! I had such a meltdown. I thought God would compensate me for being sick and not getting a job and would make this one go easy at least..but I guess God doesn't do compensations, he makes you go through the process. 

Rejection hurts and it hurts really bad. 

But giving up is not an option for me. I got a part time job and I'm taking a little break from applying for jobs to recover from the heartbreak of being rejected. 

Oh well i guess thats life, I don't even know how to cope anymore; maybe not make plans and just go with the flow but won't that mean I'm not being proactive? I'm really confused. I just want to be happy. 

“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and darn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.” ~Elizabeth Taylor

UPDATES!

Wow, its been such a long time since I posted on my darling blog! 

I have been so busy. So I finished school in April and decided to move cities for better opportunities. 

The move was very very very hectic, but hey, have moved and I'm settling in, I call it my happy place. 

Also, I got a job! Although its part time as of now, I'm very happy I have somewhere to go and I'm getting paid. Looking for job sucks!!!

As for diabetes, it has not been under control so much, just because I am very stressed and unsettled. 

I just thought I should post this update and will write full details of what have been up too later. 

I missed blogging, its indeed very therapeutic for me. 

XoXo

Wemmy.

DIAVERSARY!

Wow...its been one full year since I got diagnosed with diabetes!

It has been a year filled with lots of tears, anger, heartaches, heartbreaks, disappointments. In a million years I never thought I would be sitting here jabbing myself with insulin, pricking my fingers and all other hassles that comes with diabetes or even have diabetes. But hey, here we are.

It has also been a year of doctors visits and lab tests, I really don't like going to the doctors, they always find something(in my opinion). I have had to make lots of trips to the doctors and God has blessed me with very kind doctors. I'm very grateful for that.

I decided to reflect on my life this past year and I have gone through a whole lot, i don't even know how I'm still standing or how I keep going, I have had lots of things thrown at me and truth be told, It has really affected me. Sometimes I wonder if i would ever go back to the very happy Wemmy I used to be. I don't know if this is how life is for everyone but it has been kinda crazy for me this past year.

But I'm not gonna give up, I'm gonna keep going on and doing my best. I have come to realize that diabetes is a journey, its really not going anywhere, I have to live with it and take care of it my whole life.

I couldn't have survived without the amazing people that have supported me, to every single one of you I say a big thank you from the bottom of heart.

One year down, forever to go!

XoXo,

Wemmy

DIABETES BLOG WEEK: DAY 2!

Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see.  What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet?  Or from your family and friends?  Why is it important to keep it to yourself?  (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone.  There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects.  Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won't tell them.)

I'm a very private person and I don't share lots of things about my life. I can count the number of people that know I'm diabetic. No, I'm not ashamed that I have the disease it just works for me that way.

Diabetes is one disease most people feel they know a lot about or have solutions for. It annoys me when people say things like: you had way too much sugar, just stay away from sugar, drink this water and you would be healed..errrr just shut up please. I was dealing with low blood sugar one day and my sister goes, have you used your insulin...really???!!!! I said to myself thats why I don't share my experiences. Living with diabetes is hard enough I don't need anyone to frustrate me even more 

There is nothing wrong with sharing with people and I do share when I have to, I tell my parents everything, my very close friends and my siblings. I check my blood sugar anywhere and give myself insulin whenever I have to, I must say though, I get quite a stare but I don't care. I need to take this to stay alive and I don't think the bathrooms are clean enough for me! 

I created this blog just to let out some steam and it has been a great decision, I have also learned a lot and felt encouraged through the Diabetes Online Community.

photo credit: newline.com

I CAN DO IT ALL!

In the UK, there was a diabetes blog theme of "I can...”  that participants found wonderfully empowering.  So lets kick things off this year by looking at the positive side of our lives with diabetes.  What have you or your loved one accomplished, despite having diabetes, that you weren't sure you could?  Or what have you done that you've been particularly proud of?  Or what good thing has diabetes brought into your life?

This is my first time participating in the diabetes blog week and I'm new at blogging. 

When I was diagnosed with diabetes I was told a number of things I can't do...I can't eat this anymore, I can't get a manicure and pedicure(my fave things to do), I can't do this, I can't do that. Needless to say I thought my life was coming to an end. I was overwhelmed and very sad. 

I quickly adjusted and was my happy self again, living life and coping with my diabetes, then I became very sick and was told my diabetes was no longer T2 its now T1....wait what? How can that happen? I was very angry, to make matter worse I was all by myself, no family members to hold my hands and tell me it would be ok. 

I had midterms coming up in 3days, school was very busy, had lots of papers (group projects) due. The endo and GP advised me to take some time off school, my parents told me to take the semester off and just focus on getting well. 

I decided not to take any time off, rescheduled my exams and was determined to continue with school and do very well also, at the end of that semester I had all As and I was very proud of myself. 

Today I have two degrees, one in Psychology and the other one in Human Resources.

I believe I can achieve whatever I want to achieve, diabetes can't stop me, it might make the process difficult or painful but it won't stop me from achieving my dreams.

I can do it all!

GO ASK YOUR MUMMY!

In honour of Mother's Day coming up on Sunday, I have decided to have this write up...Go Ask Your Mummy!

Mothers are the best! They love and take care of us unconditionally, they scarifies for us and make sure we are ok, at all times.

However, history has shown over time that daughters are at risk of getting the diseases  their mother's battle with. Mother's have a way of hiding what they are dealing with, just to protect us but I think thats really not protecting us, its putting us at risk. Have that conversation with your mum today, ask what you are at risk of having, what is she dealing with, what your grandma dealt with, your aunties(paternal and maternal)?  Knowing your family history can help prevent any kind of disease lurking in your body.

Yes we are get scared, we say things like "what I don't know won't kill me", well what you don't know might just be killing you slowly. Early detection of any kind of disease is always better. Share your family history with your health care provider, they might be able to give you tips on how to manage the condition. And just because you mum has these diseases or it's in your family doesn't mean you will get it automatically, it just means that you are likely to have them and you can control your health by making lifestyle changes and checking in with your health care provider form time to time.

Even if your family has a clean bill of health, you should be aware of the diseases you can get form your environment, stress, and the kind of life you are living.

Its very important to eat well, and to be physically active.

Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful, strong and loving Mums out there.


XoXo,
Wemmy.

TIRED!

That's really how I feel right now! I'm tired of your shit, diabetes!!!! Today has been one of those days...I woke up with a banging headache and was very dizzy, so I knew my blood sugar must be very high. I struggled to get my meter and checked my blood sugar....it was 29.5....whooaaw! Did someone inject me with sugar while I was sleeping? Really can't explain that. My blood sugar at bedtime was 10.5, so what happened to you almighty blood sugar?

I took three units of apidra (insulin) and just stayed in bed waiting for it to come down. Two hours after taking apidra I checked again and it had gone up to 30.6 (my blood sugar don't joke!). So I took 7 units of apdira and waited for three hours, it came down to 25. 6 and all through the day it was between 25.6 and 27.8. I didn't eat for the most part of today and just felt horrible. 

I literally feel like a human pin cushion right now..pricked my fingers like 15 times and kept jabbing my tummy. 

Dear Diabetes, you are very rude and selfish! I have practically changed my whole life because of you, give you all the attention you need and spend so much on you, yet you keep doing whatever you like and making me feel like crap. 

Expecting hypoglycaemia very soon because of all the insulin I have pumped into my system. 

Just another day in my life...no big deal! 

SEATTLE HERE I COME!

Ah! it feels like christmas morning to me today...I'm going to Seattle!!!!! I'm very excited about this, it's a short trip but I'm very happy I'm going. I love traveling to places have never been and living a life of a tourist.

I don't really have anything planned out, but I know I will do some shopping, things are way cheaper in the US than they are here in Canada, eat as much as I can and just have fun generally. Checked the weather and it should be warm a little bit...so yay to getting some sun in!

Will be seeing my friend that I have not seen in seven years!!!! Can't wait to catch up!

Of course as a diabetic I have to go with all my supplies and I'm not sure if I would need a note to carry them across because I'm going via ferry. Anyway, I didn't get a note and will just rough it out.

Super duper excited for the next three days and will blog when experience there when I get back.

XoXo,
Wemmy.

4TS OF DIABETES!

As we all know, I found out I had diabetes randomly (I always say it's my "I too know attitude" that pushed me to test that day). Oh well, its all good because now I know and I have been trying my best to manage it and live a healthy life generally. At that time I didn't know the symptoms of diabetes even though I had them all.

I would like to share the 4 Ts of Diabetes (diabetes symptoms)

Toilet:
Do you always need to go to the toilet often? waking up frequently during the night to "wee wee" or having short breaks between going to the toilet, this is  part of the symptoms of diabetes.

Thirsty:
Are you always excessively thirsty and feel the need to drink water all the time? Regularly getting up to drink water during the night, even after drinking a bottle of water or any kind of liquid you still feel very thirsty? 

Thinner:
Losing weight without watching your weight? Increased appetite which means, you are always hungry and eating yet you are losing weight uncontrollable?

Tired:
No energy to do the things you love, or just feeling very weak all day, finding physical activities difficult?

If you answered yes to these things, you might want to check your blood sugar out. The test is very easy and simple, its just a prick and a drop of blood.

It's usually said that these are symptoms of type 1 diabetes, but as we all know, type1 diabetes is not just for kids, i got diagnosed in my 20s and i had all these symptoms.

Diabetes is not a death sentence, people have it, live with it and enjoy their lives!

XoXo,
Wemmy.

ENDLESS POSSIBILITIES!

Stop the Press!!!!! I'm done with school!!!! How cool is that? I'm so excited and grateful but above all I'm very proud of myself. Having to deal with health issues and going to school was not an easy one but I did it...I did it and I did it amazingly so! Whoop Whoop!

I was at my doctors office and he said to me "so Wemmy whats next after school"...and i said, I wanna live a life of endless possibilities. Where that came from I really don't know but it came out and I guess I must have been thinking of it. On my way home I started thinking what that means and what it will mean for me and I figured it simply means pulling myself up, opening my mind to new ideas and possibilities, taking advantage of the opportunities out there for me, doing amazing things most importantly not letting fear take over my life, dream big, work hard, play hard. 

Our lives are filled with endless possibilities we just have to open our minds to see them. 

Is it going to be an easy task...absolutely not, but I'm going to do it, I will not be scared to try new things and take risk. When I think of positive things happening in my life, this silly voice comes and says it won't happen. I used to be scared and worried and I believed the voice but not anymore. I believe i can be whatever I wanna be and do whatever I wanna do...So I know I'm going to be great! Thats my mindset right now. 

Looking for jobs and going for interviews scares the hell out of me, but I'm going to enjoy this process and learn from it. 

An update from my visit to the doctors: I don't have thyroid problems but I"m going into early menopause. Where that came from I really don't know, maybe its in my family, maybe not...i really don't know and I really don't care either. I'm just gonna to take it in my strides and move on to do beautiful things. I can't worry or be sad about everything, gotta laugh some out...and I'm definitely laughing this one out. 

"I know in my heart that its my time and I already see the possibilities are never ending" (unknown)

XoXo,

Wemmy.

LOOK FORWARD TO SUNSHINE!

Yesterday was such a raining day..i kept looking through my windows to see if the rain had stopped but it just kept pouring. I couldn't go out and was really bored at home. I imagined dry roads and a little bit of sunshine. Then it hit me that whilst the rain was pouring, sunshine is on its way and i will be able to go out maybe not today but tomorrow..sunshine will come and I said to myself even with your life Wemmy. Oh the rain is pouring seriously in my life right now but sunshine is coming and it will come! 

Its a process, things don't just happen right away, it takes time and different emotions, trying times takes as long as it takes, you can't cheat the process and you can't rush it either. While the rain is pouring so hard, learn to take it easy on yourself, improve yourself while at it, learn from it, know that its ok to feel whatever you are feeling, this is what the experience calls for, don't over spiritualize things, don't put any more burden on yourself. Neglecting your emotions or pretending that you are fine, while you are not doesn't really help....cry if you need to, yell if thats how you are feeling, you must allow this process, fighting it will only make things worse. Its not something you did wrong or something you didn't do...its just life and it happens. For the most part last year I kept saying to myself, is it something I did in my past that I'm getting punished for? But I quickly realized, nope...its just life and it happens. 

Sunshine is on its way and its going to be beautiful and warm and amazing, oh yes it will be amazing. I don't know how long it will take sunshine to get here, but I know its coming and I know it will meet me a better and stronger person. I know when it comes I will be very ready for it and I will enjoy it. After every storm is a calm and then the sun will shine. Don't give up happier days are coming! 

DIABETES RANTS!

I saw this picture on Instagram and I went..yup thats's the story of my life. I really don't sleep well. I wake every morning feeling so tired. I try to go to bed early but then I wake up severally in the middle of the night to wee wee or deal with low blood sugar. The doctors keep saying if you don't get enough sleep you blood sugar will be high in the mornings...and I go my high blood sugar won't even let me sleep, or low blood sugar which means I have to wake up and find something to eat. This diabetic life is very complicated. 

CONTROLLED BLOOD SUGAR!

My friend asked me what it feels like to have a high blood sugar and I told her its exactly how you feel when drunk. Everything is not just normal, I get very uncomfortable, become very thirsty and hungry, wee wee like a million times, headaches, blur vision, mood swings and the list is endless.

The doctors says normal blood sugar should be between 4-7 for fasting and 7-10 two hours after meal. Well it doesn't really work that way, two hours after food I'm always still very high. What I have realized is there is no hard and fast rule to managing diabetes, just keep going with the flow. I must say thou, my mum has got her blood sugar under control, but she has type 2 diabetes and has had it for a while. I don't compare myself to her, because we are fighting different battles..in fact I don't compare my diabetes management with anyone, I just do what works for me. 

BOLUS FOR IT

 I hear this a lot, can you have this or that, is this or is that too sweet for you? Yes I can have it all as long as I bolus for it...the benefits of insulin! But I still try to have a healthy lifestyle. Sundays are my official cheat days, I eat whatever I want but still keep my blood sugar under control. Weight management matters to me, because I'm a young girl and I love to look good plus eating healthy is just better especially if you have diabetes! 

I FORGET THINGS!

Oh yes...i do! I go from my room to the living room to pick something up and before i get to the living room, i would have forgotten what I came out to pick. I forget what my blood sugar reading was, sometimes I'm not sure if I had my insulin or not! I forget to make that call, send that email, I just forget things. To help with this I have a to do list of the things I want to do, before I forget.

Well I just felt like ranting a little bit this morning. Here goes my rants!

GIVE THANKS!

We should all learn to be grateful!

When things get tough we all beg the question why me? why is this happening to me? I watch my siblings eat whatever they like without worrying about the consequences and I go why me? I'm the youngest I should be the healthiest..but it doesn't really work that way. We complain, we blame, I can remember saying to God, "I know you can heal me and take away all my pains and heartaches but you just prefer to sit there and watch me suffer, guess my suffering brings you joy"...pretty harsh eh! After saying that statement, something hit me and I said to myself, Wemmy, you know there were people that were so healthy, that went to bed yesterday night and never woke up...be grateful you are alive.

It might feel like there is nothing to be grateful for, things are not working why should I be grateful but i bet you, there are tons of things to be grateful for. Stop and say thank you to anything. Be grateful you are alive, be grateful for that warm house you come back to, the job you have even if you hate (it clothes and feeds you), food in your fridge, appetite to eat the food, a car that starts every morning, families that love you, friends that support you,

When something unexpected  happens like health issues or disappointments we blame (like I did). Sometimes these things we feel we don't deserve and don't understand why they are happening to us but as time goes on we realize the importance of the road block, maybe it was made to make us feel stronger, to introduce us to cool people, maybe it made us realized how easy we have had it, gives us the right connections in life. Whatever it might be, just be grateful and give thanks always.

SUPPORT SYSTEM!

We all need support whether it be during our happy moments or our trying times. We need people to be happy for and with us, we need people to share our happy times with, and the same goes for when we are going through tough times. We often feel alone, angry and dejected. I personally tend to resist help or support because i don't want to come across as needy and don't want to be pitied. But i find that when I get to talk with my aunties, parents, friends etc.. I feel a whole lot better.

There are people all around who can help, we just have to ask, we can get support from our families, our friends, counsellors( I love talking to a counsellor) our co-workers etc, they should be willing to help us and share in our burdens.

Most Importantly, we should learn how to be our own support. Parents might not always be there, friends might have things going on in their lives too, people get busy, but if you know how to support yourself when you are down, then things will look better.

Be your own cheerleader: Give yourself some credit, remember the things you've done well, the good choices you made ( I resisted cheesecake and ice-cream and had for salad for lunch). Regularly praise yourself.  

Self Validation: We all tend to look for someone else to see the best in us. Before making a phone call to that friend or sibling I always say to myself, what will they say to me...."this too will pass, its just for a while, you are a strong girl". I say all those to myself and encourage myself in the process.

Stop judging yourself: Its very ok, to feel down, I'm down because I'm losing my hair...thats not a good thing and I'm not excited about it, this will help me understand my feelings and work through them. It's ok to feel down but its not ok to stay down.

What do you really need right now: when feeling down it is important to know what you body needs to feel better. Do I need someone neutral to talk with? Do i need to go for a walk or go shopping? Pick up a book and read. Whatever it is just make sure you do what you really feel like doing and what will put you in a better mood.

Please remember the goal is not to stop reaching out to others, the goal is to be there for yourself when you need help and there is no one around.

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS!

I feel so good with myself when i help others. While i might not have so many friends, I'm a very kind and caring person (if i do say so myself) and recently I find that helping others gives me so much joy. While I was in Nigeria, I would give things out to the motherless babies, reach out to the less privileged and just put smiles on peoples faces. 

On saturday I went for a baked sales events, where we baked different snacks and sold them, we were able to make some money for some families going through hard times. My friend in school asked me to help out with her project, I said yes and went to school just for that, she offered to take me for lunch, but i turned down the offer. Just seeing how happy she was after we finished working on her project made me very happy and made my day a little brighter. 

We should never underestimate kindness. Doing nice things to people for no reason has so many rewards. Acts of kindness help create bridges where love flows to others and the joy it brings knows no bounds 

When we are presented with opportunities to be kind towards others, we should all take these opportunities and discover how awesome it feels. Not doing it for what we can get back in return just to make the world a happy place! 

As we start this new week, make up your mind to do something kind to put a smile on someone's face. Hold the door with a smile for someone, give compliments, buy coffee for that homeless guy on the street...Just do something.

Be kind!

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

I can think of one million and one reasons why i shouldn't be happy and they are legit reasons. But I have decided to choose happiness. Its not the easier decision but the best decision.


Most times we depend on external things to make us happy; having a good health, finding the perfect mate, the perfect job, starting a family and the list is endless. We also tend to blame other people or circumstances for our unhappiness. How can i be happy when i'm sick? or how can i be happy when I can't find a job? People or circumstances can not make us unhappy without our permission. "Life is 10% of what happens to us and 90% of how we react to it".

Happiness starts with us. We should choose to be happy and make out time to invest in ourselves. We should be happy and at peace with who we are. If we don't like how things are going, we can always make changes and see things differently.

Be grateful for the things that are working, even the things that are not working because they are only there to teach us a lesson, make us stronger and wiser. You can not be grateful and be unhappy at the same time.

I have seen people that have it all; money, great relationships, perfect jobs etc and are still very unhappy and depressed. Its not about the external things, its all about you. Make the choice to be happy.

We should make happiness a way of life and not a destination. We see happiness as a goal, but happiness is not out there somewhere, its inside of us all. Its our job to remove the barriers, limiting beliefs, fears, insecurities, disappointments keeping us from accessing the lasting joy we have on the inside.

THIS TOO SHALL PASS!

Its very easy to believe and follow inspirational or life's quotes and have a positive attitude when things are going on well for us.

I read this quote from Wayne Dyer "when you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out because thats whats in it. When you are squeezed, what comes out is whats inside you".

When we get squeezed by life what comes out? Can we still remain kind and loving? Maintain our peace? Be the jolly good fellow we have always been?

Everyone reacts to challenges in their lives differently. If you don't like what comes out of you, when you get squeezed then change it. We shouldn't be victims of our circumstances. We might not be able to control what life sends us but we can control how we react to life. It only takes one person to change your life and that person is YOU.

Trials in life are not meant to destroy us, they are meant to give us strength, make us bolder and wiser. We must always remember we are stronger than our challenges. We should learn to let go of the things we can't control, channelling all the energy we have in living in the moment. The pain, agony, lose won't be forever, its just a bump in the road. This too shall pass.

Keep moving forward, do the things you enjoy, be around the people you love, pick up new hobby, eat healthy, exercise regularly, just keep moving and before you know it you would be able to say the storm has passed, I survived, I'm wiser and stronger.

INSULIN AND WEIGHT MANAGEMENT!

When my endocrinologist place me on insulin, he said "you can have whatever you want, just make sure you take enough insulin to cover for it". I was the happiest girl...I thought I could have pops, ice-cream and all the sweet things i liked. Two weeks on i noticed i started gaining weight but i just thought it was because my numbers got better and finally I'm getting healed! I went for my appointment at the diabetes clinic and the nurse said, "oh Wemmy, you gaining weight you need to watch it". I was confused and hit google, searching if insulin caused weight gain and the answer was a big fat YES! I was really upset no one told me. I went off insulin and said that's it I'm done with this diabetes thing.

Again, my parents counselled me and pleaded i go back on insulin, My numbers went crazy, so I had to go back on insulin but i did a lot of research on insulin and weight management.

I have been able to keep away some of the weight by:

• Eating healthy: I only stock my fridge and pantry with fruits, vegetables, lots of protein and some granola bars for my lows. I try to drink lots of water. I cut down on my carb intake. Replaced rice with cauliflower, pasta with zucchini. Its very expensive and time consuming to eat healthy but i really try my best. I also reduced the rate at which I eat out. Of course I have my cheat days but for the most part I keep it healthy. 

• I try my best not to skip meals and also eat at the same time everyday. This is very hard for me because I have different schedule everyday. But as much as i can, i do this.

• I stay active. I go to the gym 4 times a week and I walk a lot. If I'm gonna take any carb, I usually do that and then hit the gym. I really don't enjoy going to the gym, so I go for the fun drop in fitness classes  (zumba, cardio dance, pilates...etc) 

I find that with healthy diet and exercise, I really don't use as much insulin as I should. Of course i have days when my blood sugar just won't go down and I have to use even more insulin. But managing diabetes doesn't have any fixed rule, you keep trying different things and what works for A might not work for B. I just do what works me. 

LITTLE THINGS!

When life gets you down its really difficult to see the little things that are working out for you. I went to my counsellor and complained how nothing is working and I'm just struggling. She told me some cool stuffs that got me thinking and made me realize I have been taking the little things that are working for granted.

• I'm doing so well in school, my grades are good and I keep making good progress. I'm very proud of myself! 

• I have got an AWESOME family. My parents are the best, so supportive, so caring, so loving, I don't know what I would do without their love. My siblings are my best friends, they are always there cheering me on

• Have got great friends. I'm a very private person, so I don't share must of my struggles but when i do share them with  my close friends, they are always there for me

• Church: I attend  Glad Tidings church, and they are great people. 

In the mist of life's struggles, these little things  i'm grateful for and they keep me going. 

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!

So I have been very sad and depressed this last week with everything going on with me. I find myself eating a lot of unhealthy food and not managing my diabetes well. I can't count the number of pops I have had and I have really gone off track. While its ok to be sad when things are not going on well, its not ok to stay depressed.

I came up with some things i will start doing to put myself in a better mood:

• I start my mornings with stating three things I'm grateful for. "In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity and build strong relationships". So thats number one on my to do list. State the things I'm grateful for. If you want to get healthier then give thanks. 

• During the day, when i start feeling sad, i will get up and go for a walk, notice beautiful houses, birds, the ocean, and just appreciate nature. 

• Hang out with my friends. I just joined a cool group of young women encouraging each other. So thats really good. Go for dinner or whatever and just gist away and forget about my worries. 

I know I'm gonna get better, things will start working out but while it seems like its not...I might as well fake it till i make it..eh!

LIVING IN THE MOMENT!

I'm always worrying  and thinking about whats gonna happen? Who am gonna get married to? What kind of wife will i be? Do I really want kids? How is my mum doing? How will my life turn out? How is my family back home in Nigeria? When will i find a job? What kinda job will i have? How will my career turn out? Will i be successful in life? But I never stop just to live in the moment. I don't live in today...I'm always in "tomorrow or the future mode". I also day dream about the kinda of life I want or I wish i had right now.

But what does it really mean to live in the moment, living in the moment is being mindful of the present, not worrying about the future or things that are yet to happen, living where our lives are, concentrating our attention on the things at hand, we focus on the tasks we have presently.

When we train ourselves to live in the moment, we are fully involved in what's going on and we begin to discover the beauty and the wonder that comes with the moment.

To make every moment count, we must embrace everything we do and every person we come in contact with deserves our full attention. Even when are taking a stroll, we should savour the moment, it gives us the opportunity to recharge, renew and gain clarity.

Quite often we put huge expectations on ourselves and our lives. We rush to do this, hurry up with that, without actually enjoying the process. What's the rush? Where are we actually going?

When we appreciate each moment and learn from it, we live consciously, purposefully and responsibly. Likewise some live in the past and don't let go of painful experiences, hurts, disappointments and difficult times, we condemn ourselves. We can not change the past, we can however learn from it, know its over and move on.

When we are positive and optimistic in the present, we open the possibility of a positive and promising future. We owe it to ourselves to make every moment count.

I know there are many steps for living in the moment out there; but for me, i have decided to live in the moment each day, not worrying about the future or regretting the past. I will be grateful for each day and live in it and handle things as they come.

XoXo,
Wemmy.

THE BETES LIFE!

It's very funny how people with diabetes get judged. You hear people say all sorts about diabetics: they brought it upon themselves, they had way too much sugar, they don't exercise, it's just diabetes right all you need is lifestyle changes, you don't look sick, checking your blood sugar isn't hard..its just a prick....etc.

Its not just diabetes, lifestyle changes is part of the things we have to do but certainly not the only thing we have to deal with. Diabetics are normal people, we look normal, we go to work, school, gym, events, we shop, we make dinner, we party, we talk and act like normal people and we are not limited by our diabetes but the fact still remains that we have diabetes and we have to deal with it. so while we are doing all these things non diabetics do we still have to manage our diabetes: we have to prick our fingers numerous times a day to check our blood sugar, we are thinking about carbs, our injection sites, how our body feels, we dealing with hypoglycemia and hyperglycemia, mood swings that comes with high and low blood sugar, we are thinking about eating whatever without worrying about the consequences, we are counting carbs, we are worrying if we have enough supplies, we are measuring our insulin, we are calculating our money, checking our balances, figuring out insurance, we are buying supplies that are very expensive, we are second guessing if we took our insulin, we are debating telling people we have diabetes. We are tired but we are managing our diabetes.

Managing diabetes is very HARD! Its not just the blood sugar checks and the insulin..its everything.


Photo credit: Type1 diabetes meme Facebook page.

LIFE!

I can remember sitting in my geography class in secondary school(elementary school) and the teacher  started talking about life and he said life is filled with ups and downs and everyone will have his or her own fair share of disappointments. I remember thinking in class that day on how my life will turn out.... what will be my ups and my downs, what kind of disappointments will i have in life and how will i deal with them but then as a little girl i quickly forgot about that and moved on to play with my friends.

Sometimes life throws rocks at us. For some, rocks after rocks seems to come their way.  I feel i have been getting a lot of rocks thrown at me lately.

I battled with fear and anxiety for two years. I couldn't sleep at night, I was just in so much fear. I feared I wouldn't wake up when i close my eyes to sleep,I couldn't stay alone by myself, I feared something evil will happen to me or my loved ones. I was a total mess. I struggled with this for a long time on my own, it got to a stage when i couldn't handle it anymore and I had to tell my family. My parents were very supportive of me, made me see a doctor (a  psychiatrist). The doctor gave me some sleeping pills and advise on what to do. My siblings were not supportive at al, they told me to get it together and that everyone has some fears. After seeing how my siblings reacted to the situation I told my family I was fine but i really was not. I talked to one of my friends and he told me he has a cousin that is a psychiatrist and he will arrange a meeting. He did, i was able to see a psychiatrist and psychologist and we worked together and I was able to overcome my fears. I could sleep at night without pills and could stay alone. I still have those fears once in a while but I don't dwell on them.

Gradually light returned to my life. I got my Canadian student visa and moved from Nigeria to Canada. I was very happy. I got to Canada and was living my dream life, I had amazing grades in school, met some cool people and i was just loving being me.

Then life threw me another rock. I was diagnosed with diabetes. I felt betrayed by my body and the genes I have. How could this happen to me? Haven't i suffered enough? Life was good just some months back, I thought i would call home to say hey, I got engaged to the love of my life or hey, I got this amazing job...etc and not hey, i got diabetes.

With diabetes came chronic constipation, doctors thought i had colon cancer (thank goodness i don't) and i just didn't have any strength to do anything.

Presently, I'm losing my hair, my fingers are numb, I have hemorrhoids and I'm very frustrated. I have always been a positive girl but its very difficult for me to be positive right now. I just keep asking; why me? when is it going to stop? why do i come from a family that gives diabetes, fear, anxiety and hemorrhoids.

I'm really just hanging in there but i'm frustrated, angry and very disappointed.

DIABETES BURNOUT

Diabetes burnout is a term given to the state of disillusion, frustration and somewhat submission to the condition of diabetes.

 I simply put it as being sick of the daily grind of diabetes management. As a diabetic there is just always so much for me to do everyday...

• Wake up check my fasting blood sugar
• Think of what to have for breakfast (how many carbs can/do i want to have)
• Inject myself with insulin
• Have my breakfast
• Check my blood sugar two hours after (which is almost always still very high) 
• Wait another two hours and check if it has gone down to the normal numbers...

Imagine repeating  the same grind for lunch and dinner, having to deal with mood swings that comes with my highs and lows...have people pass silly comments such as can you have this or that, i found a cure for diabetes, maybe you had too much sugar when you were growing up...the list is endless. I get to a point where i just can't take it anymore, i freak out and say damn you diabetes i just wanna live my life!

However, i just can't wish it away..it's still there and i have to live with it. So I burnout, go wild and come back to it. I have been able to come up with a 80/20 rule for my diabetes management will share that in another post. 

Like i always say diabetes is a full time job and I believe i can do this, i believe in me and i don't think i have been doing badly.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger..makes you a fighter!

Stay Positive!

XoXo,
Wemmy.

YOU HAVE DIABETES!!!!

You have diabetes!!!! Those were the words my GP said to me that changed my life!

I moved to Canada in 2013, I was very excited and happy to be living my dreams. My very first year in school was great, had amazing grades and I was in a really good place in my life. It was summer break and I went visiting some of my friends, had  fun  and as my holiday was coming to an end, I looked forward to getting a summer job and have my mum visit in august and just have fun. My friend’s mum whom I was visiting was checking her blood sugar before dinner and I said I wanted to check mine too (very strange..i don’t like needles). I took the test and she went oh that’s really high your blood sugar is 12, me very clueless I went…what’s 12 is it out of a 100. She said go see your doctor when you get back home.

I got home and went straight to my doctor’s, did a random test and it was high (cant remember the numbers) but I was sent to have a proper test done in the lab. The test was going to be ready the next day so I had to wait. My results were in and it was time to go to the doctors, I was nervous and anxious at the same time. I finally made it to the doctors and she took a look at my test results and looked at me (at this point I knew something was wrong) and said…you have diabetes! I really didn’t hear the things she said after that, I started crying, thinking my life was over. I’m in my 20s how can I be diabetic?!

Talked to my family but they couldn’t console me, I cried so much. I was referred to the diabetes clinic where I met the fantastic nurse and dietician. I was told I had type two diabetes, I have to watch what I eat, was placed on metformin. My mum came to spend a month with me just taking care of me (mums are the best!). My family was there for me, they gave me all the support I needed.

Metformin made me feel so sick and sapped all my energy, I would throw up, and it was really crazy. I went back to the doctors to complain and she changed my drugs from metformin to glyburide. Way better, I liked it because it was very easy to swallow and it was once a day. The doctor said to me, I think you are in the honeymoon stage of type 1 diabetes…I was very confused, so she referred me to go see an endocrinologist. I was on a short vacation in NYC and my numbers went crazy, I went as high as 28, with crazy headaches and blur vision. I went to my endo once I got back home and was confirmed type 1. I was placed on insulin injections and the endo explained how I was going to be giving myself injections, counting my carbs and always have snacks with me. I was really confused, sad and frustrated. The diabetes nurse showed me what to do and told me I had to inject myself before every meal and bedtime.

I really don’t like that this has happened to me and people keep saying it can be worse but when it comes down to it, its very hard to get used to.

That’s a little bit about what I have struggled with. This blog is a therapy for me, will share my experiences about diabetes, when I’m having a good or bad day, my other struggles, and if you ever drop by just enjoy my ranting….but please remember to keep it positive. 

XoXo,

Wemmy.